New Years. Where to begin?
I began my new year with my mother, father, and brother in this little house my parents are renting while their house is being built in a much better area of New Mexico. We watched movies, sat by the fire, and relaxed after skiing all day. My parents, well they are getting older and could not make it to midnight, so it was really just my brother and I left. The past few weeks have been hell for me for personal reasons I will write about at another time.
I wanted an escape, and boy did I get out for a bit.
I have never been so… overcome with thought. I lack emotions, but my head never slows down, never misses a beat. I began to feel. The movies we watched actually had real purpose (granted I may have confused what they were trying to say. We watched that Disney movie Happy Feet and could not figure out if it was trying to say we saved the penguins or if we ruined everything)… I continued to feel. But then I over heated and had to strip down to my underwear. We watched more movies, and ended with Pixar’s Robots, but we watched it on mute with music playing on the laptop. Visually stunning, but that is all I really can say about it.
My brother went to bed and I was not even near tired. It was probably around six in the morning. The whole time we were watching movies I could not stop touching myself. Anywhere really, it just felt so nice. After he went to bed I could not stop rubbing all over. This is when I stripped down to my jockstrap. I began rubbing myself down. The light was off, watching the fire from the couch, listening to music (Explosions in the Sky will never sound like that again), rubbing. Something about it all left me incapable of getting an erection, so I just lay there, enjoying the feeling of myself. After what seemed like an extended period of time, I got hard and was able to get off.
I walked around the room, studying everything with my eyes. I played with the fire for a bit; it was ridiculously warm and felt so amazing against my skin. I eventually felt like I might be able to sleep. I was wondering what the time may be since the sunlight began to fill the room from around the shades. Sleep never came. So I just lay there. I have never seen a sunrise in New Mexico before.
I grew hungry. I finally put on some clothes again; some warm fleece sweats with a waistband that is too big for me so they sit real, real low. I opened the door out of the living room and into the two unheated rooms of the rental house. Got to the kitchen and drank some juice, grabbed a pop tart and headed back to the living room. Soon after warming by the fire, my mom walked into the room. The day had begun and I was not going to be sleeping at all, but I did not need it.
I never make resolutions. I think it is because I am as close to perfect as it gets. Sure, must be it. But after all of that, I realize a bunch of things about myself that I feel need some attention. Like I said, lots of changes are coming once I get back to the city. The most important one of all is to remember to take time to relax. In the long run, most things really do not matter that much. Focus on the self and enjoy what you have right here, right now.