Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Everything All At Once

May 27, 2008

Let me talk about myself for a while. (But really, what else do I talk about?)

I have not been taking enough photos lately. I need to sit down and put together something, some kind of general direction to lead off on. I would love to continue one of my previous projects, but I hate to change up the camera used (since I cannot check any equipment out from school at this point). I need to get some new equipment for myself, but I need to also not let that bar me from working.

I have been running again. Something about it is really therapeutic to me. It is more of a mind game to me than it is working out. It seems to be about competition, about winning. Whenever there is someone running anywhere within sight, I tend to run harder until I overtake them. I have some issues with being the best.

The guy I have been dating and I ran into some issues the other week. He actually broke up with me and did not give me any real explanation. So a couple days later I asked him if he would clear that up for me. He stopped in after work, and we talked… for almost three hours. He was very open with me, as I was with him. And through it, he realized that we should not have broken up, but we had even more in common. The main argument was over how we both are not sure if we should be dating yet, since our last serious relationship was not that long ago (his ended in December and mine in January). I said something along the lines of how I think about it every time I see him, but I also realize that I am happy at that moment, so why spoil something that could be so good?

Everything that he brought up, as things that could be problems in his and my relationship, were things that I already knew. But it was nice to hear him actually say them. One of the other, which potentially has more weight, issues, was about substances. I smoke. I drink. I am twenty-one and live a fairly regular life of a twenty-one year old. And he is in recovery. I do not know exactly what made me figure that one out, but I knew. But I also never smoke or drink around people that do not. I guess that classifies me as a “social” drinker or smoker. And I never ask people to do either… I do not want to feel like I am pressuring anyone. We talked it all out and he left. There was no real resolution, and no kiss goodbye. The next day at work he stopped in to say hello and see if I wanted to hang out sometime this week. The day after that he stopped by my place on his way to his parents’ house to kiss me, “I just had to kiss you before I left.”

I am moving again. This time back to the West side of the city. I loathe the South side. It is totally segregated and I miss the tree-lined streets in the West. I have to do that by July, makes me nervous.

Memorial day was awesome. I woke up early, finished painting this apartment, went for a long run, went to lunch with my old roommate from the dorms, hung out all afternoon with various friends, bringing people who do not know each other in one room. Came home and the boy came over. We went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It fucking sucked. I love the originals, but I was by no means ready for what the new one brought. Some of it was cool, but most of the time I was just thinking to myself “really??” And I was not the only one, I saw a whole family just up and leave in the middle, and if it was my decision, I probably would have left too (except I have a thing about finishing things that I start…). Then we came back here. And I will leave it at this…

Oh. My. God. Amazing.

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Inner beauty

March 9, 2008

On Friday night I decided that I had to leave my apartment for the first time of the day. I gathered myself and ventured into the Revelation-like weather. Gusting winds and immense amounts of rain pounding the sidewalk as you pass by. The grey sky built on itself, layers of grey, upon grey, upon grey. Truly beautiful in its own regard. I duck into the subway station.

After getting to my destination I appear slowly into the wilds of downtown. People everywhere, cars hustling, and the calm of the storm. I walk east, avoiding eye contact with a slight downward tilt of my head. Music is playing in my ears, one foot in front of the other. “Sir. Excuse me, sir?” I look around. No one, I must be losing it. “I’m over here.” I look up. No one. “In the limo.” I look right, a woman–bleached hair, skanky with a South Jersey flair–with her eyes peering out of a window of a white limousine. “Show me your boobs!” I must have not understood. “Show me your boobs. Come on!” I laugh her off and she drives on.

Red light. I catch up to the limo. I look up and she has her tits pressed against the glass with her head poking out of the window. How classy. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“That is even less enticing,” I said.

Daytona beach

March 7, 2008

Last night I went out dancing as a right of passage to spring break 2008. I am not a club person, nor a real social person, but I do love to get my dancing shoes and tear it up. I got off of work, went to a friends house and hung out for a bit and then went home to wait for my ride. I got dressed (which apparently I am no good at because I looked like a fucking tool out on the floor). Apparently jeans and a button down plaid shirt is not cool anymore, or maybe I am just not cool enough to wear one. Either way, all these hip kids were dancing around while I was tearing it up looking like some mid-ninety’s rocker wannabe.

So a group of four of us head out to this lounge. It was my first time ever going to a place like this. It was… a little different than what I was expecting. But I guess that I was expecting it to be more like a club with techno music and guidos all over the place. But alas, it was hipsters not guidos, and a varying mix of music not techno.

I want to go again, but I guess I will need to find a stylist first. How come a fag like me cannot seem to dress cool? I am seriously stuck in the late nineties.

I know I should not talk about work, but…

February 7, 2008

A while ago, my place of employment hired a rotten bitch. I used to be part of the interviewing process, but I have since resigned that portion of my job. So I get a memo saying this girl has been hired. I was ripped. The second I saw the general manager I took him aside and gave him the “What were you thinking?!” speech. But since I am a decent employee, I pulled myself together and dealt with the horror they hired.

On her second day of training she decided she did not like how things were run, so she tried to change everything. Now this is one of those places that will not change a thing… ever. So all for naught she would cry and complain and push for change. I have a real good knack for being able to just ignore people straight up. So I took it upon myself to never utter a single word to her.

No more than two weeks have past and she gets a phone call asking to make a reservation. She tells the person on the phone that we do not do that (which is wrong). So she gets written up as a result. It was her first write up, who cares. It is not really a discipline thing, just a warning. (I do not really know, you see, I have never gotten one.) So anyways, what do you think this rotten bitch does? Let me tell you. Let me tell you what this rotten bitch does. She up and quits. And you know what, by this point, everyone was quite happy with it. She walked out. Yay! But the best part… When the write-up was presented to her, she refused to sign it and said, “I bet if it was one of those pussy ass fag boys that work here, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Oh no she diiiiiin’t! I will just say that the majority of people that come into the workplace… homosexuals. The majority of the upper management… homosexuals. And this ghetto bitch had the nerve. Oh… it was bliss to my ears.

Esacpe

January 2, 2008

New Years. Where to begin?

I began my new year with my mother, father, and brother in this little house my parents are renting while their house is being built in a much better area of New Mexico. We watched movies, sat by the fire, and relaxed after skiing all day. My parents, well they are getting older and could not make it to midnight, so it was really just my brother and I left. The past few weeks have been hell for me for personal reasons I will write about at another time.

I wanted an escape, and boy did I get out for a bit.

I have never been so… overcome with thought. I lack emotions, but my head never slows down, never misses a beat. I began to feel. The movies we watched actually had real purpose (granted I may have confused what they were trying to say. We watched that Disney movie Happy Feet and could not figure out if it was trying to say we saved the penguins or if we ruined everything)… I continued to feel. But then I over heated and had to strip down to my underwear. We watched more movies, and ended with Pixar’s Robots, but we watched it on mute with music playing on the laptop. Visually stunning, but that is all I really can say about it.

My brother went to bed and I was not even near tired. It was probably around six in the morning. The whole time we were watching movies I could not stop touching myself. Anywhere really, it just felt so nice. After he went to bed I could not stop rubbing all over. This is when I stripped down to my jockstrap. I began rubbing myself down. The light was off, watching the fire from the couch, listening to music (Explosions in the Sky will never sound like that again), rubbing. Something about it all left me incapable of getting an erection, so I just lay there, enjoying the feeling of myself. After what seemed like an extended period of time, I got hard and was able to get off.

I walked around the room, studying everything with my eyes. I played with the fire for a bit; it was ridiculously warm and felt so amazing against my skin. I eventually felt like I might be able to sleep. I was wondering what the time may be since the sunlight began to fill the room from around the shades. Sleep never came. So I just lay there. I have never seen a sunrise in New Mexico before.

I grew hungry. I finally put on some clothes again; some warm fleece sweats with a waistband that is too big for me so they sit real, real low. I opened the door out of the living room and into the two unheated rooms of the rental house. Got to the kitchen and drank some juice, grabbed a pop tart and headed back to the living room. Soon after warming by the fire, my mom walked into the room. The day had begun and I was not going to be sleeping at all, but I did not need it.

I never make resolutions. I think it is because I am as close to perfect as it gets. Sure, must be it. But after all of that, I realize a bunch of things about myself that I feel need some attention. Like I said, lots of changes are coming once I get back to the city. The most important one of all is to remember to take time to relax. In the long run, most things really do not matter that much. Focus on the self and enjoy what you have right here, right now.