It’s nothing to cry about, cause we’ll hold each other soon

It has been years since I have been afflicted with insomnia. I thought I was over it. But alas, it returns. This week I have managed to tally up a total of about six hours of sleep. I will be tired, exhausted even, but once I lay down I just cannot seem to put myself to sleep. There is nothing as frustrating as lying for six hours and not getting a wink of sleep. Especially when you know you have to be up early the next day for a full day of things that need be done.

Last night I did not sleep for a minute. I put on some relaxing music, crawled into bed, shivered until the sheets were warm, cuddled with my body pillow and other pillows and nothing. That was it. I heard the whole CD to completion and just continued to lie, wide awake, staring into the darkness. I rolled over to check the clock, and it was about twenty minutes before I had to get up for class. So I said, “fuck it,” and got out of bed. I went to class all day where we did not really do much of anything, but I talked with my professor about the current project that I cannot settle on an idea for. She talked me through it, told me that the idea I liked was not very good but the first one I came up with was excellent. She did not know, but when she told me my idea blew, I got upset (sleep deprivation really messes you up emotionally). I left class for a bit and had one of those “Pull yourself together!” speeches with myself. Her advise for me was to work things through and not beat myself up so much on getting things perfect the first time. Something I needed to hear… Something I will need to hear again and again.

I have to work an eleven-hour shift tomorrow. But I can already feel like I will not be getting much sleep tonight…